Super Smash Bros Insanity for 3DS and Wii U
by Kojinka
Summary: The third installment in my series of SSB fan fiction that looks into the daily lives of the Smashers when they are not in battle. Can the newcomers handle the chaos around the Smash Mansion?
1. Chapter 1

Everyone in the Smash Mansion had been busy at work preparing for the next big season of Super Smash Bros. The Hands used their mystic abilities to expand the mansion to accommodate all the newcomers, and some veterans volunteered to provide tours, usually to newcomers closest to them. For example, when Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings arrived, it was Bowser that showed them around.

While most of the Smashers had settled in for the night, Waluigi sat hunched over his computer with Wario in the tycoon's closet. Wario stared at the monitor, yawning loudly while his brother typed like a madman. "Do you really need a-me here for this?"

Waluigi's gaze stayed glued to the monitor as he continued to type furiously. "Quit whining! We need a really good-a prank to open the new season! Any ideas would be appreciated."

"I think I know why you still don't have your own-a game." The portly treasure hunter mumbled.

"Yeah?" Waluigi paused for a moment as he turned toward his brother with an inquisitive look. "Why?"

"You lead a sad, miserable existence, and the powers above know it."

"Thanks Wario." Waluigi scowled. "You're a great brother."

"Wahaha! I try!"

The two sat silently for another minute with the only sound coming from Waluigi's keyboard. Wario finally broke the silence. "Hey! I got an idea!"

"Well, look who's finally grown a brain! So, what's the plan?"

"First, we to need to enlist a little help."

"Who in Master Hand's-a name would help us?"

"You just leave-a that to me!"

* * *

Over at the Assist Trophy wing, Ashley lounged with her roommate, Midna, on the futon in their dorm room. The young witch was scribbling on a note pad while listening to music when their phone rang. The Twilight imp paused the stereo and answered the phone with her ponytail. "Yeah? It's for you." Midna handed the phone to Ashley.

Ashley laid her notepad beside her and took the receiver. "What's up?"

"Listen, kid, I got a job for you!"

"Yeah? What is it, Boss?"

As Ashley listened to Wario's request, her expression seemed less than amused.

"No," She said bluntly and hung up.

"Aren't we the defiant one?" Midna smirked.

Ashley hopped off the futon and climbed to her spell cabinet to grab a few herbs and potions from the shelf. "It's not like he can dock my pay. Now when I can cast a hex on him that will make him forget about any notion of doing so."

A wicked grin spread across the imp's face. "Mind if I join?"

"Be my guest, Twilight Princess!"

* * *

The following day, Mega Man walked beside Pacman up the path towards the mansion. Sensing some anxiety, the sphere patted the robot on the back, smiling warmly. Neither spoke much, but the Mega Man knew what the Pacman was trying to tell him. Just relax; there was nothing to worry about.

They entered the sliding doors and were greeted by the Sonic the Hedgehog at the foyer. He and Mario had been in regular contact with Pacman and Mega Man for a long time, and agreed to let the speedy hedgehog be the first to welcome them. "It's about time you guys got here! C'mon! Lemme show you around. Everyone is super excited to meet you!"

The Blue Blur led the dot and robot to the nearest room from the lobby, which was the cafeteria. Serving hours were etched onto the glass door. The room consisted of 20 tables; more than enough to seat every smasher and assist trophy. There were even a few charging stations for the robot characters. Since it was 10 AM, the hall was empty apart from a few fighting alloys, wireframes, and Miis running around. "This place serves just about anything a smasher or assist trophy desires. Oh, and no one is allowed to use the Ice Cream machine for snowball fights." Yes, that happened. Don't ask.

Next stop was the gymnasium where they found the Wii Fit Trainers practicing Yoga with Zelda and Sheik, who were still getting used to having two separate bodies. At the other end, Marth could be seen dueling with his descendent, Lucina.

In the library, Rosalina was reading a story to Kirby and the Lumas while Robin read manga. Sonic quietly introduced Pacman and Mega Man to everyone. He then placed a sticky note onto a calculus book and slid it to Reflet, who was reading _Twilight_. She retaliated by placing another sticky note onto _Breaking Dawn_ and slid it to Sonic.

As the third party trio continued on, the Blue Bomber asked the hedgehog. "What did you tell her?"

"That the calculus book has a better love story."

"What did she write back?" Pacman asked.

"Old Joke is Old."

After the tour Sonic led Mega Man and Pac Man to the rec room where they found Link and Ike playing pool, while Toon Link, Ness, Bowser Jr. Lemmy, and the Villager were seated in front of the television set watching cartoons.

Sonic picked up the intercom to call everyone in the mansion down to greet the newcomers.

Most of the smasher and assist trophy characters gathered to the rec room. A few were absent, but most figured they were just out and about. Soon everyone had gathered around the dot and fighting robot, greeting the newcomers like old friends.

The Smashers were truly one big happy, dysfunctional family that kept on growing. And though times may seem rough back home, Pacman and Mega Man knew they could feel welcomed at the Smash Mansion.

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special report!" The group turned to the TV. On the large television a pale, flamboyant male in skin-tight clothing, was speaking into the microphone.

"This is your fabulous host, Ghirahim live at Smashville auditorium to bring you the first (and probably last) ever Plus Size Male Beauty Pageant!"

"…What the…?" Ike stated flatly.

"Before we get started, let's introduce our panel of judges." The camera cuts to a group of four Pokémon seated at the booth. "Pikachu,"

The yellow mouse sat scowling with his crossed, preferring to be anywhere but there.

"Jigglypuff,"

The balloon Pokémon appeared to be the only one eager to be there as she bounced around in her seat with a bright smile on her face.

"Greninja,"

The frog sat silently in meditation.

"And Lucario!"

The blue dog like Pokémon appeared to be glaring daggers toward someone off camera.

"Finally, I'd like to offer a special introduction to our honorary guest. Joining us live from Mount Frigid is the Ice Climber, Nana! Can you hear me, darling?"

"Loud and clear, Ghirahim!" the pink ice climber nodded with a smile.

"Wonderful! It is time to meet our contestants. First up is a fellow who lets his hammer do the speaking for him, the self-proclaimed ruler of Dreamland, King Dedede!"

Clad in a magical schoolgirl outfit, the large penguin leaped from the rafters onto the stage below, performing a tipple flip and causing a mild tremor upon landing.

"I did not sign up for this tournament to see some overweight penguin in drag!" Dark Pit yelled.

"Get used to it, Pitoo," said Pit. "You're gonna see even weirder things from here on out."

Dedede- "That's KING Dedede to you, commoner!" –King Dedede held out his hands. The artificial cheers fell silent as everyone cleared the stage and a spotlight fell on him. He pointed to a Waddle Dee wearing a blue bandana seated behind a DJ booth. "Hit it, Bandana Dee!"

The Waddle Dee pressed a button on the deck and a techno remix of King Dedede's theme blasted from the speakers. The King began to perform a series of breakdance moves that could rival Kirby's.

Kirby, not at all bothered by the King's wardrobe, bounced up and down, cheering on his friend.

King Dedede finished his routine with a head spin and struck his infamous crouch pose with a flirtatious wink to the audience.

"Bravo!" Ghirahim applauded. "A performance fit for a king!"

Nana joined in. "Popo and I have studied penguins in the past, and I've never seen a mating display quite like this!"

"And finally, our next contestant is that man with the lust for gold, who makes every lady and gentleman swoon with his distinct aroma, Wario!"

"Well, now we know who's behind this;" Luigi groaned. "Who else?"

On cue, the treasure hunting tycoon descended onto the stage wearing a tutu that was much too tight for him, gliding down on a pulley that was sagging beneath his weight. He landed on the stage, striking a pose on one leg like a ballerina.

"I think I'm gonna hurl!" Toon Link held his hands over his mouth.

"Turn it off!" Ness cried.

"I can't!" the Twilight hero yelled. "Someone took the batteries out and the spares are missing!"

For Wario's grand finale, he glided through the stage as if it were an ice rink and performed a series of triple spinning jumps, all while singing 'Mona Pizza' (horribly out of tune).

"Stunning!" Ghirahim applauded and turned to face the camera. "Any one who wishes to end this eye bleaching spectacle, please pledge 500 coins by calling our toll free number at 1 800 555-8623. That's 1 800 555-UMAD, bro?" During this, a graphic reading 'Callers will be charged 10 coins per minute' flashed on the screen.

"All precedes will go to the Ridley Foundation in their never-ending fight to make Ridley a playable fighter in Super Smash Bros." Another graphic then flashed on the screen reading, 'The views on Ridley expressed in this fan fiction do not necessarily reflect that of the author.'

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Samus snarled.

"What's that?" Ghirahim spoke into his headset. "Okay,"

"Unfortunately, our producers have asked us to cut our event short. Thank you for joining us in this whimsical moment. We now return to your regularly scheduled program." Color bars generated on the screen and returned to the show the kid smashers had been watching, which was now rolling the end credits.

Ganondorf crossed his arms. "And that, my dear Bowser, is why Ghirahim gives me the creeps!"

"They're not gonna tell us who won?"Lemmy asked.

"I call Wario!" Larry chimed.

"Are you kidding?" said Viridi. "Dedede had that in the bag!"

"Oh, what are you?" Roy Koopa confronted the goddess. "One of his fangirls?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" the goddess crossed her arms. "I just liked his dance moves!"

"Dedede has fangirls?" Pit pondered in disbelief.

"Argh! You are all imbeciles!" Falco stormed out of the room

Kirby hopped off the sofa, smiling as if nothing had happened. "So, who's up for lunch?"

"Yoshi?" the dinosaur moaned, clearly having lost his appetite.

"Suit yourself!" the pink star warrior shrugged and headed for the cafeteria with the Duck Hunt duo.


	2. Chapter 2

In the villains' hall, Bowser and Ganondorf laid sprawled on the turtle shell patterned area rug of of the Koopa King's bedroom. It was an uneventful day, and the villains were growing restless.

"Man, this place is so boring now!" Bowser groaned. "There hasn't been anything fun to do since Master Hand forbid us from kidnapping the princesses!"

"We could go after that Wii Fit chick. The rules don't say anything about fitness trainers?"

"Ugh, no! She gives me the creeps. What about Palutena?"

"I've dealt with goddesses before. We'd have better luck with Samus."

"Then forget kidnapping; we need to do something more original!"

"How bout you call your kids over? Maybe they can come up with some ideas."

"I already got them working on their own projects. What about Ghirahim?"

I'm still mad at that little creep for involving himself with the Warios' TV hijacking the other day!"

"Oh, star spirits! I'll never be able to unsee that!"

Ghirahim materialized in front of the villains. He had his nose held high in a snobby fashion. "Well excuse me for wanting to have some fun in the name of fashion once in a while, Master!"

"You call that fashion?! I call that high-octane nightmare fuel! And stop calling me 'Master'!"

"Fine, but I won't tell you about a certain evil wizard who could make things quite interesting around here."

"Say what?"

"Hm?" the demon lord opened his eyes slightly while keeping his nose held high. "But I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I said I'm mad at you! That's not the same thing! Now tell us about this wizard!"

"Well, his wardrobe is a bit drab, but he has a power so frightening that even the strongest of souls will cower in fear. It's quite ghastly!"

"It's not that mud stain on your cape, is it?" Bowser smirked.

"MUD?! Oh, that will NEVER wash out!" Ghirahim shrieked and disappeared again.

"Forget about him," Ganondorf said. "I think I know who he's talking about."

* * *

The Gerudo King led Bowser to an empty section of the battlefields that has seen very little traffic since the Melee season came to a close. The villains came upon a dried up fountain high in a night sky. Platforms that were once supported by flowing waters were now lying on the ground.

"The Fountain of Dreams? Why would he be here?"

"I overheard Meta Knight discussing some evil wizard who turns dreams into nightmares a while back with Master Hand." Ganondorf explained as they approached the pedestal in the center. "No idea how Ghirahim would have found out about it, but it's worth a try."

"So how do we get him out?"

"How the hell should I know?"

Bowser pulled a Star Rod from his shell. "We could try this."

"Those things are all over the place! If they can unleash some terrifying evil, why does this world hand them out like candy?"

"I've yet to hear you offer any better ideas."

They placed the item on the pedestal. They stood silently for a few moments, but nothing happened.

"Any other bright ideas, oh wise Koopa King?" Ganondorf sneered.

"Shut it, Ganondorf! My head's cramping."

A black mist sprayed from the pedestal, engulfing the fountain in darkness. The darkness dissipated as the mist gathered back to the center and formed a starry orb.

"Well, that was easy."

"A ball?" Bowser snorted. "I thought you were supposed to be terrifying! You don't look so tough!"

The orb rose and morphed to his wizard form, glaring at the two villains behind his shimmering sunglasses. The wizard opened his cape and launched a barrage of stars at the villains.

"Hey, cool it Hornsy! You've made your point" Ganondorf called out as he and Bowser dodged the wizard's stars. "We just want to talk!"

The wizard ignored the villains' diplomatic pleas and rammed into them, narrowly missing the Koopa and Gerudo.

"Sheesh! Whoda thought Kirby faced things like that on a regular basis?"

Bowser retaliated. "You're asking that while we and a bunch of other weirdos are currently stuck in a world different from our own, beating the snot out of each other for the amusement of a floating pair of gloved hands?"

"Touché."

A new voice called out. "There is no talking with Nightmare!" Mewtwo teleported to a platform near the villains.

'Oh, great,' Ganondorf thought. "What are you doing here? You weren't supposed to be back until spring!"

"Meta Knight blackmailed me to watch over this stage, to make sure Nightmare doesn't escape. And as interesting this is getting, we cannot let him stay out much longer." Mewtwo tossed the villains what appeared to be an empty Assist Trophy case.

Ganondorf caught the object and stared at it with a scrutinizing scowl. "What is this?"

"You two started this mess, and now you have to clean it up or else no one in the Smash Mansion will have a good night's sleep!"

"Since when do you care?"

* * *

Sonic was watching some crappy reality show when the screen went black with white text belched out by a Commodore Amiga.

EEEEEEEERRRRRRRR… EEEEEEEERRRRRRRR… EEEEEEEERRRRRRRR

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS TRANSMITTED AT THE REQUEST OF SMASH MANSION PERSONEL. AN INVASION OF FANGIRLS IS CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE ON THE SMASH MANSION GROUNDS. ALL RESIDENTS OF THE SMASH MANSION ARE ADVISED TO TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY. IF YOU ARE EMO, EDGY, BISHOUNEN, OR A SWORD FIGHTER, YOU ARE MOST AT RISK OF BEING GLOMPED. EVACCUATE THE GROUNDS IF IT CAN BE DONE IN A SAFE MANNER. CONSIDER THESE GIRLS TO BE RABID AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. CONTACT WITH THEM MAY RESULT IN SCRATCHES, BRUISES, RIPPED CLOTHING, HAIR PULLING, WEAPON THEFT, AND TEMPORARY DEAFNESS.

STAY TUNED TO THIS STATION FOR FURTHER UPDATES ON THIS DEVELOPING SITUATION.

EERRP…EERRP…EERRP

"Heh! Good thing I'm not a swordsman or bishounen!" Sonic hopped off the couch and was about to head back to his room when he found his path blocked by a crowd of young women.

"IT'S SONIKKU!1"

The hedgehog tried to scramble to a safe place in the rec room, but was jumped by another girl hiding a cabinet. He screamed in terror as he drowned in the wave of screaming, clamoring fangirls.

* * *

"Just throw the damn capsule!"

The Gerudo king chuckled darkly. "This is the perfect opportunity to spread some mayhem, and you think we're going to pass it up?" He held up the empty assist trophy case and squeezed it until it shattered.

Mewtwo looked on with an unreadable gaze as a blinding light blazed through the cracks and engulfed the fountain. A deafening screech could be heard.

Once the light and scream faded, the smashers saw the trophy case sitting on the pedestal, intact, but Nightmare was nowhere to be seen. Mewtwo chuckled darkly as the dumbstruck villains stared at it, wondering what happened. "Were you expecting the Assist Trophy Capsule to capture Nightmare the same way a PokéBall catches Pokémon?"

"You tricked us!" Ganondorf pointed to the psychic Pokémon accusingly. "This was your plan all along!"

"Perhaps," Mewtwo lifted the trophy case with his telekinesis. "But you now have your new villain to join your circle. That is why you two came here in the first place, am I wrong?"

Ganondorf clenched his fist. "Dammit, Mewtwo! First you foil our princess swapping scheme, and now this! Whose side are you on?!"

"Fine" Mewtwo snapped. "Look, I'm sick of everyone lumping me with the villains just because of that stupid movie. I'm not evil! Just a jerk! I could have simply stopped you from breaking Nightmare's seal, but I was feeling generous, so I decided to let you two have your villain. However, it's too dangerous to let a creature with Nightmare's powers roam freely, so we devised a special capsule to convert him into an Assist Trophy, suppressing his powers when summoned in battle."

"Hold on! Who is this 'we'?" Bowser asked.

"I can answer that." A new voice with a heavy Spanish accent joined. Meta Knight leaped from a branch in the background of the stage, landing in front of the trio. "Everyone in Dream Land thought Nightmare had been destroyed years ago, but some time between the Melee and Brawl seasons, he had somehow managed to return. We couldn't risk disrupting the natural flow of dreams to seal him again, so we lured him into this replica fountain in the world of Smash Bros. We knew that there was still a chance that someone would break that seal, so we made a back-up plan. You didn't catch that part of our discussion, did you, Ganondorf?"

"ZZZZZ huh? Are you done with your long-winded exposition?"

"-sigh- imbeciles!" the knight grumbled.

"So, does this mean this stage is finally no longer limited to Project M use?"

"Ahahaha-no!" Meta Knight chided as he grabbed the trophy case from Mewtwo and leaped off the fountain.

* * *

Back at the mansion, Luigi curled up in a fetal position in a corner in the hallway, rocking back and forth, babbling incoherent words. Sonic, who had been caught by Jigglypuff's sing, approached Luigi looking rather perturbed. He had red teardrops drawn down his cheeks. "Hey, Luigi, do you know where I could find some brain bleach?"

" !" the younger Mario brother wailed his arms until he passed out.


	3. Sleepover

WARNING This chapter contains a little bit of non-romantic Kirby/Dedede fluff

* * *

King Dedede entered his dorm room to unwind for the evening. It was decorated like a miniature palace with gold paneled walls and vibrant red carpeting. He was about to seat himself in his custom-made throne next to the large four-poster bed when an unwanted pink guest popped out from the unkempt green covers, chiming his usual cheerful "Hiiii!"

"GYAH!" the monarch jumped. "How the heck did you get in here?!"

"Sleepover!" Kirby chimed.

"Look, Kirby, I ain't in the mood for your shenanigans, now vamoose!"

Kirby hopped off the bed and scurried to the closet.

"Hey!" the king barked as he pointed the other direction. "The door is that way! …Humph!" Dedede growled irritably as it became clear that Kirby wasn't going to listen. "You better not mess up my robes!"

The puffball stepped back out, dragging a large sack behind him. He undid the knot and a pile of goodies poured from the bag. "Poyo?" Kirby asked as he picked up a pastry and offered it to King Dedede.

"Don't 'Poyo' me!" Dedede snatched the treat from Kirby's nubs. It was all coming back to him now; he did make a promise to hang out with the little guy at some point over the weekend. And everyone in the mansion knew better than to go back on your word with Kirby. The feats he was capable of could occasionally stun even the king, who knew him longer than anyone in the mansion, barring maybe Meta Knight.

Kirby examined the scratches and bruises on the King's body while they snacked on their treats. The young star warrior was no stranger to the injuries that spectators don't usually get to see; nonetheless, he raised a nub, pointing to one of the wounds. "Why don't you see Doctor Mario about those?"

"I've had had worse." The stubborn king grunted.

"Who were you battling?"

"Bowser. If he can't handle my stunning performance on TV the other day, that's his problem!"

"Speaking of which, who won?"

"Myself, of course," Dedede proudly pointed his thumb toward himself. "I put that hotheaded turtle back in his place again."

"No, I meant on TV."

"Oh, that," Dedede frowned. "Wario, who else? That contest was rigged from the beginning! I just played along 'cause I was bored."

"Well I thought you were great!" Kirby crossed his nubs with a grin. "Looks like our dance lessons are paying off."

"Yeah? Well don't get too smug."

Kirby handed Dedede a large bag of popcorn and waddled to the large television resting on the ornate dresser on the opposite wall. He pulled out a CD case and took a disc out of one of the sleeves. He inflated himself onto the dresser, and slid the disc into Dedede's Blu-ray player.

Half an hour into the movie, Dedede wanted to throw his hammer into the TV. But in a rare act of rationality, he decided against wrecking his own property, and instead did what any witty penguin would do when stuck watching cheesy movies; he threw some MST3K style riffs! "Don't know why they're freaking out; this is typical spring weather for Rainbow Resort."

"Shh!" Kirby waved an arm flap.

Jigglypuff was passing by Dedede's room when she heard a musical number. Without a second thought, she pulled out her microphone and began to sing along.

Kirby and Dedede's eyelids grew heavy as the balloon Pokémon's melody made its way through the room. Kirby immediately fell fast asleep, snoring quietly. 'Saved by the other pink puffball,' was Dedede's thought as he struggled to stay awake.

The reverbing sound of the penguin's snoring snapped Jigglypuff back to reality. The scowling balloon Pokemon inflated herself and muttered a profanity in her native pokemon talk. She put the microphone away and sneaked into Dedede's room through a secret passageway that Kirby showed her.

Jigglypuff crawled out from beneath the king's bed and spotted the slumbering duo huddled together on some cushions on the floor. Dedede was resting his arm and head on Kirby like a pillow. Jigglypuff raised her marker above her head, preparing to make the first scribble on her victims' faces. But she couldn't bring herself to disturb such an adorable scene, so she pulled out a cell phone and snapped a photo. This was one for Smashbook!

* * *

The movie had ended by the time the two woke up from their sing-induced nap. Dedede groggily rolled off the puffball and grabbed the remote to turn the TV off. "So what happened at the end?" he asked.

"I think Raggedy Ann and Rosalina confess their lesbian feelings for each other and Shulk carries on his forbidden romance with a Sawsbuck."

"You know, Kirby, we've known each other for a long time, and yet there are still times where I just don't understand you."

The star warrior cocked his head, unsure of what Dedede meant.

"I mean we're chums one day, and then the next, you're beating the snot out of me, even when I'm not up to anything."

"Oh, sorry." Kirby rubbed the back of his head apologetically. "I get a little rough because I know you'd do the same for me if I were possessed or something."

"Don't flatter yourself. I'd whack you even when you're on your best behavior!"

"You say that, but I know that deep down, you aren't such a bad person."

Dedede looked at the puffball expectantly.

Kirby laid a nub on Dedede's sleeve. "You may seem cold and mean at times, but I know you mean well. If you hadn't played your part during the last tournament, we'd all be stuck motionless in an empty void. I just want to say 'thank you.' I couldn't have asked for a greater king."

Dedede was struggling to fight back a tear forming in his eye. There was something about the little guy that irritated the monarch to no end, but it was Kirby's influence that pushed Dedede to better himself and get to where he is today. He hated to admit it, but he had grown quite fond of the star warrior. "You know, I told you in Subspace that I'd only do this once, but…" Dedede embraced the puffball in a tight hug. "You're alright, squirt."

Kirby wasn't quite used to the king showing his affectionate side, but he didn't mind it a bit.

"But if you tell anyone about this, I won't be afraid to use you as the ball in my next croquet game with Bowser!"


End file.
